It’s been nearly one month since I closed the doors of my business. One month since I let go of a dream I had spent the past 7 years building, growing and nurturing. It feels like a long time ago, and yet I also sometimes still drive to work on auto-pilot, catching myself as I look for parking.
What will I do next? I’ve gotten that question more times than I can count in the past couple of months. The short answer is this: I will take some time to be with my family, to be a mom and a wife instead of a harried entrepreneurial working mom who happens to have two kids and be married to that person over there.
While that’s true, it’s not the whole story.
The truth is, I’m exhausted.
The past 18 months have been so full of contradictory emotions and a million decisions about the business. On top of running the business itself and managing my daily life, I was struggling with feelings of failure, grief, and a profound sense that I’d let people down. You can head here to read a little bit more about my decision to close Stash.
Now that the business is gone, ostensibly the stress is too. While I do feel about one thousand pounds lighter, it also feels like I have a stress hangover. My monkey mind has been busy for years processing all I have to juggle; now that a few balls are out of rotation, my mind is still trying to juggle them. It’s been hard to relax.
In this life after Stash, I am craving hibernation, a blanket of quiet, and lots and lots of hot beverages. Some Netflix couldn’t hurt, either. (I just finished this and was mesmerized)
One of the ways I am seeking quiet in my life is by taking a social media break. This is something I do regularly; it’s a good practice for me to step away and live my life instead of thinking about how to share it. This time I am planning on taking all of February off of Facebook and Instagram. I have enough going on in my head that I don’t need to pour in the voices of other people, multiple times a day. 8 days in, and I feel more peaceful already.
Another way I am seeking quiet is by spending time in my new studio! I am sharing space with good friend and jewelry designer Liz Grant. This is a space that I stumbled into, and as luck would have it, this has been the perfect landing space for me.
My new studio is quiet and filled with light. I have a desk and some plants and not much else. This is the place I have yearned for for years: the physical and intangible room to write. I plan on doing a lot of practicing in this space. And as much as I’d like to attach an outcome to this writing (there goes that brain again), I am simply committing to writing for the sake of writing. We’ll see where it all goes.
This is a time of transition, a time of rest and contemplation. A time to let go of expectations and just be quiet with myself. It’s uncomfortable; I want to know what’s next, of course. But this time is also a gift, one I intend to settle into and savor for as longs as it lasts.
I’m curious: how have you settled in to time between jobs or life after a big transition?